Mystery Sandwich

Yo Jimmy, this is great, inviting me round here to play some video games and have a sandwich with ya.

No probs Rich.

I mean, ya know, after all that business with me and yo sister.

Hey forget about it man. We're friends.

Yeah. Sorry about, ya know, getting her pregnant and shit.

Yeah, especially since you're married and have Two kids already... And had no intentions of ever leaving your wife for my Sis.

Yeah. But we cool now yeah?

You eaten your sandwich?

Yep.

Now we cool.

Aren't you gonna have a sandwich? They taste awesome!

Of course they do. I made them... With my CUM!

What?

You heard me fucker. You just ate my cum and you loved it.

But... I thought we were friends.

Friends? None of my friends eat cum sandwiches. Oh and another thing, if you ever come near me or my family again, I'm gonna rip out your lungs out and shit in your chest. Now fuck off.

A Walk Down Memory Lane

UALW Stonegate Arena. Jan 12th, 2010

BAM! The music hits, the spotlight pin points the entrance way and out comes a familiar face.

XX: Yo, yo, yo, hello Joe, Joe, Joe! It's the Double Daddy, it's Mister Sexy Pantalones himself; Xiqoozo Xizz coming at'ya like that group of little black girls from the early 90s. I forget their name. But hey, yeah, good to be black, I mean back. UALW looks a bit dusty and left for dead these days but yours truly is same old, same old. Ain't nothing or nobody gonna change me. Well it's a new year, a new decade, fuuuuuuuuck, it's a whole new world. I'm putting the band back together if you know what I mean. Oh yeah, called up my cousins Payne and VA and they are coming down on the next flight. Gonna be fucking amazing to see them again. That's right... Welcome to '010 baby. No, you can't do that zero number thang crap no more can ya? Well welcome to whatever anyway. Just call me The Xooz motherfucker!!!

Dot's Christmas

Now smile nicely Dorothy. You know Mummy doesn't like the Anakin Skywalker grimace from the podrace scene in The Phantom Menace.

But Mum, I don't wanna smile.

And why not?

Because Uncle Jeffery touched me in a wrong way.

What do you mean darling?

Last night, Uncle Jeffery told me to sit on his lap and then he reached down and touched my-

Silly little Dotty. What's wrong with you?! On Christmas Day telling filthy lies about Uncle Jeff like that. Don't be a silly girl. Don't you know lies make baby Jesus cry?

But he did Mum he-



NO! NO! NO! I won't hear of it! My brother did no such thing! He is not a paedophile or sex criminal! You bitch! This is why you are going to borstal!

But Mummy please...

BORSTAL!!!