Slanty

Please Dad, slow down. I'm tired.

Oh Peter, you are always the same. Do you know what you sound like? Let me show you..."Please daddy, my legs hurt." "Daddy, I need to sit down, I'm tired". See how pathetic you sound? Don't you understand this is real life. Not all that sitting about in front of the television or playing video games, getting fat and lazy like your mother would have you do.

I never called you Daddy. I'm too big for that now.

Please Peter, let's no be pedantic shall we.

But my legs DO hurt.

Stop moaning will you. We are almost there.

But we have been hiking up this rock for Two hours.

Don't you think I know that? I have a watch. In fact I had a watch long before you were even an idea in your mother's head. But let's not talk about your mother. This is our weekend.

You hate Mum don't you? That's why you got divorced isn't it?

What? Oh no. That's just not true Peter. I don't hate your mother. I just think she's a fucking cunt. That's all. Now save your energy my boy because we still have Six more miles of this shit.

On The Ocean Waves

Hey Reg, you know what?

Eh what's that Tim?

I'd say my beard is more attractive than yours old boy.

Really? Do tell.

My beard hugs my face tighter than yours.

Hey friend, you're right! My beard just loiters on my chin here, while you're building an entire society on your face.

Quite so Reg. Quite so.

You know, I really do love being in the Merchant Navy Tim. I think I have the best hairstyle for it.

Reg, I admit defeat, you're hair is worth a trophy.

If you like the hair on my head. You should see my pubic region.

I think I'm going to have to borrow your cigarette for that one Reg.