Mark Lawson: I'd like to welcome to the show star of the new hit Robin Hood; Russell Crowe. Thank you Russell for coming in tonight.
Russell Crowe: You mind if I sit here held up only by my erection? Look how intense I look, I'm like a hypnotist staring into your soul, god I love the radio. Mmmm.
Mark Lawson: Yeah... Sure. Anyway I'd like to talk about the direction that your new version of Robin Hood takes.
Crowe: Good, that's what you're paying me the big bucks for. Now, a lot of people make some very understandable misconceptions about the character of Robin which is understandable, they're very understandable misconceptions. Understandable if anything.
Lawson: Like what?
Crowe: Well, a lot of people think he was English for one.
Lawson: ........ And about the voice, the accent you were using for the film. I know this is sort of a sticking point with you but would you say there were hints of Irish in there? I got that a lil bit when I was watching the film.
Crowe: You've got dead ears mate, dead ears and if you keep that fucking bollocks up you'll have a dead everything and that's not a threat... No actually that was kinda threatening so yea I guess it was a threat.... Yeah it was. THAT was a threat mate.
Lawson: Quite.
Crowe: As far as the voice goes mate, the reality is, in our version is that he's been estranged from his family for a long time, perhaps spending several years, litterally living in a box outside McDonalds in Belfast, we just don't know but that's what we're gonna be spoon feeding those suckling-pig theatre goers.
Lawson: That's very inter-
Crowe: Well depending on what historian you want to believe, a lot of them are full of shit mate, but there's a long running argument between them and me as to where he was born, some say Notingham, I say Nantucket Road Island when in actuality he was an Australian gladiator in Rome, or at least that's what Ridley told me. It's kinda the way I wanted the movie to go anyway so it married up nicely with the real life history mate. Everything you believed or thought you believed about the character is fucking wrong cause Ridley Scott and me said so, Hollywood believe us enough to pump Millions of Dollars into the movie and it's being made in Colour so you know it has to be a true story.
Lawson: You can't be serious... Honestly? Colour?
Crowe: Hey! I don't have to take this bollocks from you mate. Where's your fucking Oscar?
Lawson: Same place as your oscar-worthy performance. Nowhere.
Crowe: ..................
